Have you ever been oblivious to a distant hum, for example, a lawnmower being used in the distance, and it suddenly stops, and you become aware of the blissful silence? This is how I am feeling.
My husband left his job he’d had for more than 29 years, just over a year ago, and it has been a tough year for us. We have not wanted to touch his pension as he is still too young, but his salary made up the bulk of our monthly finances, which is needed to pay the bills. I work from home and we do make some money from a small resort we have in Mozambique, but it has felt to me, as if we have steadily slid into debt. This is unfamiliar territory for both of us. And yes, it’s been extremely scary.
Well, nothing has changed that I am aware of in the physical, but you know that sense of ‘everything is going to work out well’? That’s what I’m experiencing, and so we have begun to take each other out on some day-dates. These have been so much fun and we are beginning to communicate again, without speaking about problems and issues. I can’t really speak for my husband, but I am feeling hopeful and beginning to dream again.
On Monday evening, we took the family out for our second daughter’s birthday. It was a noisy affair. We went to a Mexican restaurant and honestly, we could hardly hear each other, but the evening was so much fun. It most certainly brought much needed laughter to our family. We sure enjoyed the lightness of the evening and the food was brilliant too. We haven’t been aware of how stressed out our adult children have been about our situation. The two of us, have felt so isolated and haven’t wanted to trouble our children, but forgetting they are adults who are extremely thoughtful and concerned. We had no idea how much they needed to see us enjoy intimate moments with each other. This dinner was far more meaningful to them, than we could ever have imagined.
This morning, we got up quite early to drive through to a neighbouring town. I needed to renew my driver’s license and my hubby explained that I could go to the traffic offices in the neighbouring town, without an appointment. Before going, we did try and make an appointment online, without success, but he insisted we would be helped. I had my doubts. It turned out, I was right. After queuing for over an hour, we were finally told they would not assist us and I would need to make an online appointment.
This past year, I have felt so annoyed about the littlest things, and I expected to experience that exasperation today. Imagine my surprise, when I responded with a shoulder shrug and a little, “I told you so,” but no anger or frustration. This was such a key for me to know that we are through the worst of our experience. I didn’t feel helpless. I didn’t lose my cool. And when my hubby suggested we find a place to have breakfast, I quickly Googled the nearest restaurant. We enjoyed a healthy breakfast together and chatted so much. This past year, even when we have gone out for a meal, we would both be on our phones, and there was so little communication.
I think we’ve turned a corner, and we are focusing on ‘us’ again. My fear is subsiding and gratitude is beginning to fill that space. We get to spend more time together, and although we still don’t have a solution, I know that we are going to be okay. Whatever happens, we are in this together, and our future is bright, because we have each other. For the longest time, I have felt lonely and isolated and afraid. This lightness suits me well. And we have found our way back to sharing with each other once again. This is a beautiful and positive place to be.